Chapter 193
1599words
And the thought that he was at the point that he had to beg, kills me right now. I mustered up all of my strength just to put my right palm on his cheek. My tears started to fall when I stared at his eyes filled with desperation.
I said in a low voice. "I'm sorry, this is all my fault. You don't deserve to be begging anyone-"
"I said I don't need your apology." He said with hurtful eyes before he lowered my hand.
At that time, I got angry. All of the memories I've done replaying in my head once again.
I clenched my jaw. "Then how do you expect me to handle this wretched feeling inside of me?! Whenever I see you, I always get reminded of the things I have done to make your life miserable! How can I not be sorry?"
He pulls me into a hug, his large hands slightly supporting my head towards his chest. His scent made me relaxed a bit, my sobs became calmer than before.
I closed my eyes when he started speaking.
"If you accept me... just this time, then I swear that you don't have to feel so wretched anymore. You don't need to be sorry, we can just rewrite those painful days with new ones." He said, his words filled with fear and relief at the same time, while his body slightly trembled.
Can I really do that?
Even if I still have to leave you in the end?
My lips quivered from the pain that I was feeling, my tears won't stop. Even after I tried holding all of my fears inside of me, it eventually poured everywhere around me. The thought that I was more than willing to accept him right now scares me that one day I'll regret everything that I decided to do this.
Still, I knew it myself.
I can't keep rejecting him, not after he was begging me this time again.
My hands found their way around his waist, I mumbled. "Don't cry."
"I'm not crying." He lowly growls.
I chuckled. "Of course, how can the great Alpha King cry?"
Once he pulls away, I was surprised to see his bloodshot eyes, his eyebrow furrowed. Just by looking at him, anyone could tell that he just came back from crying even if his cheeks were a bit dry.
"You did cry." I gave out a bitter smile.
He sighs in frustration. "Stop avoiding my question, even if you try to change the subject over and over again, i won't stop asking you to accept me."
I frowned. "Aren't you tired? you've been chasing after me for so long, i keep rejecting you. I know you don't even feel the mate pull right now, calling it love is just plain stupid. Can't you see that even your love for me is poisoning everywhere around you? All your misfortunes, they all came from me."
"Stop it." He growls.
I tried getting away from him but he stops me again by grabbing my waist. "Where are you going? you're doing it again."
"Again? That's right." I yanked my hand back before glaring at him. "We're at it again! If I accept you again, we'll be eventually be separated by that damn curse! If you're not tired well i am! I can't take it! I can't take it to go to that process over and over again!"
I covered my face before falling to the ground. "I can't... I'll really go crazy!"
Yet even after seeing me like that. His words remained stern, his will not swaying once bit after all of the things i just spouted out. He said. "Accept me, I don't care about anything. Just accept me."
"Didn't you hear what I said?!"
When I finally looked at him, my eyes widened when I saw his tears falling, he wipes them by using his shoulder.
"I never got tired, you know why? because I have always believed that we'll be together one day. That I'll just have to wait for you, even if it takes me a thousand years." Then he turns away, he refused to let me see his face any further.
He stomps away from the cave, leaving me all alone in the cave.
At that moment, I was lost for words, I did not expect him to make such an expression. Out of all our arguments, this was the first time that I saw the traces of exhaustion and determination in his eyes.
I stared at my trembling hands.
"He was different from before," I mumbled.
Back then he just wanted to claim me as a crazy alpha would, but as time goes by I didn't notice how must he tolerated my behavior, he has always waited for me every time I would run away from him.
Just like a stupid owner who threw a toy to a dog, expecting it to return it.
I chuckled bitterly. "Looks like I can't escape this."
Rejecting him like this doesn't make me happy, there's always this limit in front of me of how much pain I could take whenever i did it, that is why I ended up running away after rejecting him before.
It's because... I'm always scared of turning away from everything I've done just to be with him. But eventually, I really did come to a point where I chose to be with him.
Only to run at a huge wall between us again.
Yet after knowing that we have that wall between us, I constantly denied that Zyrus always climbed over that wall to help me, he was always waiting for me to notice him instead of the large wall behind him.
"This time.. even if it's just for now, I want to be with you," I said in a whisper, hoping the winds would deliver my message.
then I finally closed my eyes.
*********
When I woke up, I was surprised that i wasn't on the cold ground anymore. I was on the bed that was across the room and a fur blanket covered my body.
"Zyrus." I frowned, knowing he was the one who did it.
I slowly got up from my spot and headed towards where I could smell something burning. It led me to the entrance of the cave and I saw Zyrus's back. A fire was lit in front of him as he held a stick in his hand, when I slowly stepped closer I finally saw the thing he was burning.
Fish?
He's cooking?
"How are you?" He says while not turning back to face me.
I was a bit startled that I stopped walking. I didn't know how to respond since we just argued earlier. I gulped. "I'm fine, just a bit tired... what are you doing?"
"Come here, I'll show you."
My mouth curls up, feeling relieved that he wasn't that angry from before. I gripped my hand tightly before coming by to his side. I sat down beside him so he didn't have to see my obvious expression.
He turns to me. "In front of me."
I pouted. I forced my legs to stand and went to the spot facing him. When I finally settled down, I still couldn't look at him so I just awkwardly placed my palms near the fire, as if I was cold.
Well, werewolves don't feel cold. But because I have Gina's soul within me, there were some times that my body was like wrapped in a glacier coffin.
When i glanced at him, it looked like that he was still bothered by what happened earlier that we just sat there silently in front of a bonfire, his face stern and unmoving.
Tsk.
I felt guilty that it was because of me that we were in such a situation so i decided to take the initiative to talk.
I gulped nervously. "So uhm.. w-what are you cooking?"
ARGH! WHY DID I SAY THAT?! ISN'T IT OBVIOUS HE'S BURING THE FISH THAT WE WERE STARING AT FOR THIS WHOLE TIME?!!!
UGH, I WANT TO BURY MYSELF!
Unexpectedly, he laughs at my stupid behavior. He said. "Don't be nervous, I'm not angry at you."
"Really?" I pout, slowly glancing at him.
He was just silently staring at the bonfire even though he could feel I was staring at him. I would think he was just focused on the fish but I thought otherwise.
He's definitely avoiding me.
"Hmph, why bother to make me sit in front of you if you're not gonna stare back?" I mumbled in the lowest voice.
He must've heard me so when he finally stared back at me, i looked away this time. My mouth curling down in displease. All I could think of was that he just wanted to stay away from me so he wanted me to sit in front of him.
That's when I noticed that I was acting like a bitch again.
Ugh, why am I the one getting angry? I shouldn't feel like this! I already decided to accept him so why can't my damn pride let me?!
I breathed in and out.
I can do this, I just have to tell him that I accept him!
Mustering all my courage wasn't easy, but even with all that courage. I can't believe the next words that came out of my mouth. I said, "Bastard, can't you at least look at me?"
I gasped in shock.
ARGH!! PLEASE KILL ME!!! WHY THE HELL DID I SAY THAT!! PRIDE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
