Chapter 71
1606words
He stared at me in utter distraught, and my lower lip wobbled as tears threatened to fall from my eyes. I was at a loss, I had messed everything up, and I didn't know if there would ever be a way to fix any of it. I was going to lose Jean, and I just didn't know what I was going to do about that.
"Did I do something you did not find appropriate? Was it about kissing you ?" he asked, his face void of all emotion, but he couldn't keep the emotions out of his eyes,
"No! No, of course not. How could it be about kissing me? Nothing, you haven't done a thing wrong, Jean."
"Then, why? I don’t get it. Why are you suddenly pulling away, if I haven't done a single thing wrong?"
"it's because… it's because I feel like I'm only being unfair to you. "
"What do you mean by being unfair to me? What B.S. is that?"
I pressed my lips together to keep them firm, but they still shook. I had hoped to keep from talking about my feelings for Paris. But rejecting Jean without telling him my reasons was possibly the most cruel thing I could do.
"It's not b.s, jean. It's true. I feel as though I'm only being unfair to you because I'm still in love with Paris. How can I keep stringing you along, knowing I haven't gotten over the man I told myself I was better off without? "
"So all of that about being happy with me, being happy at my side, was it all a pretense?"
"no, jean. None of it was pretense." I said and tried to reach for his hand, but he stepped out of my way, "if anything, it was all too good too good to be true."
"I don’t know what that son of a gun put you through, and I don’t understand how you could ever even consider going back but look at this" he reached for my hand and placed it over his beating heart, "feel this! This is real. This is true. This is the beat of a heart that had begun beating for you," he said intensely, and tears formed in my eyes,
"I'm unable to love you the way you deserve to be loved," I said sadly,
"more B.S . "he said and let go of my hand, "some of that 'I don't deserve you gimmick' come on, Ember, you're better than that."
"I don’t though," I said with a sad smile. I was the one who had chosen to reject him, but my heart was breaking into a million little pieces. My emotions were on the floor, at his feet, broken and shattered, but I still vulnerably placed them before him to do as he pleased.
"he will hurt you again." Everyone said that lately, so much so that I had begun to believe it. But what could I do? I was in love. Perhaps foolishly so.
"Maybe," I said quietly,
"I'm incapable of waiting for you," he said resolutely, and I nodded. The words hurt, but I know I deserved them,
"You shouldn't ."
He nodded slowly, drew to his full length, "Goodbye, Ember Macgregor. You're still the Alpha regent, so perhaps I'll be seeing you around in the future to come."
"goodbye, Alpha Jean of the silver bright pack," he said no more after that, and turned away from me, and only when he was out of view, did I allow the tears to come,
"Thank you for giving me the best two weeks of my life," I said and swiped at the tears that ran down my cheeks.
Axel was not somewhere waiting when I got back home, and I suppose that was for the best because I had cried all the way home and possibly looked like a raccoon.
I had felt a level of pain when I broke things off with Paris, but the Pain I had felt was nothing compared to the pain I felt at that moment. I knew why I made my choice, but no amount of reasoning prepared me for how broken I felt. I was falling apart from deep within and I simply was not okay.
And as I dragged myself to my bed, without bordering for a meal, or taking off my clothes, I was not sure if I ever was going to be okay again.
"Ember? Ember." I woke up to the soft taps of my friend Ashly but still felt groggy and disoriented.
"hmm?" I said, as I slowly focused on Ashley, and she was smiling,
"I was calling. Decided to come on over instead. Why are you still in your work clothes?"
"Why am I-" and then it all came rushing back, and I moaned with the deep ache that I felt within and buried my head in my pillow,
"Is there something I'm missing out on?" Ashley asked a bit confused, and placed a hand on my shoulder, "Em? Are you okay?"
My pain came rushing back in waves. So much so that I couldn’t speak, I could only shake my head,
"Do you want to tell me what it's all about?" she asked.
Only then did I realize that Ashley didn't know about Jean. It had all happened so fast, and I had gotten so entangled in the web of it all, that I had not even included my best friend in this part of my life.
Now, it was all over, the pain of it all, a knife constantly being dug through my chest, and I was unaware of where to truly begin with discussing it,
I slowly turned around in bed and looked at her through teary eyes,
"I met my mate, Ash."
"oh? Well, that's great! But you're crying, so is he not a great guy?"
I pressed my wobbling lips together and shook my head, "he is the most wonderful being on earth. I have no idea why he was brought to me as I don't deserve him." I said with so much heartache, and Ashley frowned In confusion,
"I don't think I understand you. Your mate is a wonderful man, but you're weeping because you believe yourself to be undeserving of him. Have you lost it, Ember Macgregor? You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met. You're beautiful inside and out. So what part of you doesn't deserve him."
I sat up and swiped at the tears that were slowly trailing down my cheek, "the part of me that is still in love with Paris."
She said nothing but stared at me. Not in confusion, or as though I had lost my mind, but more in understanding. And in that moment, I knew why Ashley was my best friend.
"So what are you going to do about your mate? What's his name anyway?"
"Jean," I said and sniffed. Simply saying his name made my heart hurt, "his name is Jean. And I already did something about it. I already rejected him."
She blinked in surprise and placed a hand on my knee, "You rejected your mate? Were you ever told about the endless and abysmal sorrow that is capable of bringing to a person?"
I slowly shook my head, "I knew it was supposed to hurt. But I didn't know I could feel this much pain. I feel my wolf has completely shut down, so I must find the stone I was given. I don’t know why I ever stopped wearing it. I'm only half alive right now. But I can't regret my choice."
"Of course you can," she said compassionately, but I shook my head,
"I won't let myself. I made my choice, so I must deal with it."
"you don't always have to be so hard on yourself," she said softly and got into my bed so that she was lying next to me, her hands wrapped around me. I exhaled and laid my head on my shoulder, thankful that she was there with me.
I took the time to check in with my wolf, but she wasn't answering me. She was way too broken at that moment. And it was my fault. All of it was completely my fault.
"you'll be okay. I promise." Ashley whispered reassuringly.
But I wasn't sure. I just wasn't sure.
"What miracle did you do, Ash? You kept her from work today." It was a work day, but I had called in sick to nurse my heavy heart.
It wasn't a lie though. I was sick. Sick of everything and everyone. I was slowly teetering toward depression. I had it bad.
"She really doesn't ever take a day off, does she?" Ashley said, and helped me take a seat on one of the dining table chairs,
Axel watched us with concern, "why are you helping her that way? Is she not alright Em, are you not okay?"
I looked up at him with eyes that felt swollen and bit my lower lip, before shaking my head. I couldn't use my words, I didn't even trust my lips at that moment.
Axel walked toward me and placed his hand over my forehead, "you're burning up." he said.
And I was dying on the inside, heaven save me.
"Ashley, what's wrong with her?"
Ashley looked at me with concern and question in her eyes, and I nodded in consent to the unformed question,
"Ember? Ash?"
"She doesn't feel well because she rejected her fated mate."
Axel froze, before slowly looking at Ashley, and then to me, "Ember, you did what?"
