Chapter 12
1703words
“What?” Her voice was low, tense.
Estella didn’t flinch from her gaze, even though she felt her heart pounding in her chest. Sooner or later she had to tell them. And she’d rather do it now than if they found out in the worst possible way.
“I don’t have it,” she repeated quietly. “I never had it.”
There was silence, so deep that Estella was almost certain she could hear her own blood pulsing in her temples. Kimoko looked at her as if she didn’t believe it. As if she wanted to hear that it was a joke. But Estella wasn’t joking.
“You lied to us,” she said finally, and there was no anger in her voice anymore. Only cold disappointment.
“I had to,” the goddess replied. “If I told you the truth, you wouldn’t help me.” Kimoko laughed quietly, but it wasn’t a happy laugh. It was empty.
“So it’s like this. From the beginning… all this time…”
“I had no choice,” Estella interrupted sharply. “If you knew…”
“If we knew, then what?” Kimoko interrupted. “We wouldn’t risk our lives for you? Didn’t trust you? Don’t you think it’s too late now?”
Estella clenched her hands. She couldn’t deny it. She couldn’t even pretend that what she had done was right. But… she still didn’t regret it.
Kigami, who had been silent until now, finally spoke up.
“So where is the crystal?” he asked calmly. Too calmly.
Estella swallowed.
“It’s… in the hands of my oldest brother, Icaros, maybe you know him better as the ‘personification of law’.”
Kimoko froze. Her breathing became shallow, as if she was trying to calm herself, but her trembling hands betrayed her true emotions.
“Icaros.” She repeated the name with such coldness that the air around them suddenly seemed thicker. Are you telling me that all this time we were chasing something that was out of our reach from the start?
Estella was silent. She felt the weight of their gazes on her, like blades dug into her skin.
‘' So what now? ‘' Kigami turned to her slowly. ‘' Do you have a plan? Or did you just hope that somehow it would work out?’’
‘' I couldn’t tell you.’’ the goddess began, but Kimoko immediately interrupted her.
‘' You couldn’t or didn’t want to? ‘' Anger flashed in her eyes. ‘' You can’t tell me you didn’t know how this would end!’’
Estella fell silent. Kigami stood still, staring at his feet. Kimoko wasn’t sure if it was from anger or disappointment, but she saw hidden fear in his eyes.
‘‘Kigami… what is it?’’
Kigami looked at her.
‘' “The personification of law” is the god Veridona. In practice, nothing is known about Veridona, except that everyone must obey the laws devised by this god, no matter how absurd they may be. And their god… has some sick obsession with demons, he wants to judge us all.’’
His voice was quiet, almost as if he had already accepted that they would never recover Estella’s crystal.
Kimoko raised an eyebrow.
“What do you mean nothing is known?”
“Veridona has been missing for centuries,” Estella replied.
“Even I don’t know where my brother is or what he’s up to.”
“So who does?” Kimoko asked, trying to hide the frustration in her voice.
“Anstellerette. He had the best relationship with Icaros from the beginning. If you want to find out anything about Veridona, you have the best chance with him.”
Kigami looked at the goddess with a cold, reproachful gaze. Kimoko saw how much he held it all against her, the lies, the fact that he almost died because of her, and now the fact that she had only just revealed the identity of her oldest brother.
“Why… why did he take it from you?” he whispered.
Tears welled up in Estella’s eyes, as if her own words had struck her like blades.
“He didn’t trust me. From the beginning, he thought I wouldn’t be able to protect that crystal.”
“And he was right…”
After those words, the world seemed to stop for a moment. Estella stood still, only lowering her head. Kigami didn’t say anything more. He simply turned around, grabbed Kimoko’s hand, and pulled her along. The girl moved without resistance. She didn’t understand anything anymore. She didn’t know what was right. She was tired of both Estella’s and Kigami’s secrets and lies, and yet her heart told her something else—that each of them had their reasons. But would she ever be able to trust Estella again?
She cast one last glance over her shoulder. Estella stood there, watching them as they got further away from her.
- in the Evening
Kigami and Kimoko sat by the fire. They were silent the whole way. The girl looked up at the boy who was staring into the flames. However, the dancing tongues of fire were not reflected in his eyes. He no longer reminded her of the Kigami she knew - he was just an empty shadow of himself. She sighed quietly and put one of the berries lying on the hem of her blouse into her mouth.
“Tomorrow we have to find a way to get to Nokta.”
Kimoko swallowed hard.
‘‘Is he telling me that he intends to leave Estella to her fate?’’
“Wait… weren’t we supposed to help Estella first?”
Kigami looked at her, then burst out laughing. The sound made a shiver ran down her spine.
“Do I look like an idiot to you who would risk his life for a spoiled brat who can’t handle herself?”
“Don’t forget we had a deal with her.”
“A deal?! Kimoko, do you hear yourself? That deal lost its value the moment she admitted to lying to us!
“You know that doesn’t make you any better than her?” His gaze softened. He looked as if it had only just now really sunk in.
“…So what? It doesn’t matter anyway. To her I’m already a monster…” Kimoko clenched her fists.
“Do you really think so?” she asked quietly.
Kigami didn’t answer right away. Staring into the fire, he gave the impression that he was talking to himself, not her.
“And isn’t that true?” his voice was devoid of emotion. “Maybe that’s for the best. After all…what else am I if not a monster?” Kimoko narrowed her eyes.
“Stop talking nonsense.”
“Nonsense?” He smiled bitterly. “I knew the whole way there that she was hiding something from us, but I still believed her. I was an idiot.”
“Maybe.” Kimoko shrugged. “But that doesn’t mean you’re right to leave her to her fate.”
Kigami looked at her sharply.
“Why not?”
“Because if we leave her, we’ll be just like her.” Her gaze was hard. “Or maybe worse.”
“Worse?” he snorted.
“Yes. Because at least she had a reason to lie to us. We… we just want to turn away from her because it’s more convenient for us.”
There was silence.
Kigami clenched his jaw, looking away. Kimoko could see him struggling with his thoughts. Fighting with himself.
“It’s not that simple, Kimoko…”
“It never was.” She looked him straight in the eye.
‘' But isn’t that what we’re here for? To do things that aren’t easy?’’
Kigami took a deep breath, as if trying to calm himself down.
‘' Even if… ‘' His voice was quiet. ‘‘How do we know she won’t lie to us again?’’
‘' We don’t.’’’ Kimoko shrugged. ‘‘But you know what? We weren’t completely honest either, were we?’’
Kigami looked at her in surprise.
‘' What are you…’’
‘‘Come on.’’ Kimoko rolled her eyes.
‘' Do you think I didn’t notice how long you’ve been hiding something?’’
He didn’t answer.
‘' So what? Are we supposed to pretend that she’s the only one to blame now?’’ Kimoko tilted her head. “ Or are we old enough to admit that we all have our secrets?”
Kigami bit his lip.
‘' Do you know how annoying it is?’’
Kimoko smiled crookedly.
‘‘I know. But does that mean I’m wrong?’’
They sat in silence for a long moment, looking at the flames. Finally, Kigami took a deep breath and tilted his head back, looking at the night sky.
Kimoko smiled.
“So it is.”
“I’m not saying, you’re wrong.”
“But you’re thinking about coming back.”
Kigami clenched his fists, but didn’t deny it.
Kimoko knew that would be enough. For now. Kigami stared at the night sky for a long time, as if searching for an answer he couldn’t find in himself. Finally, he sighed heavily, closing his eyes.
“If we go back… what next?”
Kimoko crossed her arms over her chest.
“We’ll find a way to get the crystal back. That’s our goal from the beginning, right?”
“Our goal…” Kigami shook his head. “I don’t think it’ll be that easy anymore.”
“It never was.’’
“That’s why.” He looked at her sharply. “It’s even worse now. Before we even knew Estella had it. Now… we have to get to Veridona.” Kimoko nodded reluctantly.
“But first we need to find Anstellerette.”
“If he agrees to help us at all.” There was a moment of silence. “You think he won’t help his own sister?” she finally asked.
Kigami snorted. “The question is, does it even matter to him.”
Kimoko had no answer. She didn’t know Anstellerette. She didn’t know how he would react if they mentioned Estella, after all he was probably still mad at her.
“We’ll go back to her tomorrow.” Her tone left no room for argument.
Kigami looked at her skeptically. “And what will you tell her?”
“That we believe her.” Kimoko shrugged. “Or at least, that we want to believe her.”
“Maybe.” She smiled faintly. “But sometimes a lie is the only way to find out the truth.” Kigami watched her for a moment, then looked away. “I hate it when you’re right.” Kimoko laughed quietly. “Get used to it.” The silence between them wasn’t as heavy as it had been before. There was still something uncertain about it, full of unspoken words and hidden wounds, but at least they both knew what they had to do.
