Chapter 10
1647words
Since that night, neither of them had spoken. Kimoko wasn’t sure if it was because of what she had learned about Kigami or because he still felt awful. And yet, even that didn’t explain Estella’s strange behavior.
She looked at the goddess. Their gazes met - Estella’s large, pleading eyes spoke for themselves.
“Kimoko, can you come over?” Kimoko hesitated. She didn’t want to leave Kigami alone, but she felt that Estella had something important to say.
Kigami noticed her internal conflict and placed a hand on her shoulder.
“You know you don’t have to watch over me. I’m not a child, I can handle myself.” Kimoko sighed. She didn’t feel like arguing with him, especially when she heard the certainty in his voice. Without further ado, she approached Estella.
“What’s the matter?” she asked.
“Quiet, or he’ll hear us,” Estella whispered.
“Who?” The goddess glanced over her shoulder. Kimoko followed her gaze and felt her face pale.
Something twisted in Kimoko’s stomach.
“So… it’s him after all.”
Estella turned to her again.
“I heard your conversation yesterday. I don’t know about you, but I didn’t trust him from the start. Why are you holding on to him? Why didn’t you leave him in Amoria back then?” Kimoko’s throat tightened painfully. She couldn’t get the words out. She felt anger and… disappointment growing inside her.
“If she treated her brother the same way, then I’m not surprised he left her.”
“Why should I leave him? Just because he’s a demon?” she asked quietly, though her voice trembled with anger.
Estella nodded.
Something inside Kimoko snapped. All the pent-up anger, fear, desperation – everything exploded.
“Let’s start with the fact that if you could handle Amoria on your own, we wouldn’t have to save you!” she hissed, tears of anger streaming down her cheeks. Her fists clenched so hard that her nails dug into her skin, but she didn’t pay attention to it.
Kigami stepped closer, his face expressing a mixture of shock and worry.
“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.
Estella nodded, but Kimoko couldn’t pretend she was okay any longer.
“Please, Estella. Tell him that to his face. Tell him that you don’t think he deserves to live…
The wind blew harder, tearing at their clothes and hair.
Kimoko saw how those words hit Kigami. How his face paled even more, how pain and disbelief mingled in his gaze.
The first tear rolled down his cheek.
“It’s not like that…” Estella began.
But Kigami didn’t let her finish.
“And how, you fucking rabbit?” he growled. “Is this how you repay me for helping you? For solving your fucking problems that you yourself have screwed up, that you can’t fucking deal with?! If it weren’t for me and Kimoko, you would be done for! But no, instead of a simple “thank you”, you would rather see me dead because I was born a fucking demon!” He took a step towards her and Estella cowered in front of him, but Kimoko wasn’t going to stop him. She didn’t care what he did.
Kigami stopped and looked at her. There was something in his eyes that made Kimoko’s heart stop.
“Do I really not deserve to live? Would the world be better without me?”
She swallowed hard. Her throat was still tight.
She gently placed her hand on his cheek.
“No…” she whispered, her voice breaking.
Kigami shuddered.
And then he burst into tears like a child.
“I’m sorry… for my existence…” he replied with a shaky voice.
Kimoko felt her own heart break.
“Kigami, it’s not like that, you didn’t…” Estella began.
But Kimoko interrupted her.
“What else did you mean? Why does everyone immediately assume he’s evil?”
“Because I’ve dealt with many people like him!” the goddess snorted. Her voice trembled with anger.
Kimoko should have bitten her tongue. She should run away from this argument. But she wasn’t going to do that.
“Maybe that’s why you’re like them,” she whispered. “Maybe that’s why you’re no better than them.” Estella held her breath and Kimoko looked her straight in the eye, Silence fell.
Only the wind whispered between the trees.
Estella didn’t take her eyes off Kimoko. Her hands clenched into fists, and the tension between them seemed almost tangible.
“You know nothing about me…” the goddess hissed, and there was more than just anger in her voice.
“And you know nothing about him,” Kimoko replied sharply, taking a step closer to her. “You treat him like a monster, even though he saved your life. What else does he have to do to make you stop looking at him through the prism of what he is, and not who he is?!”
“It’s not about what he did,” Estella clenched her jaw, fighting her emotions. “It’s about what he can do.” Kimoko she gasped.
“Yes… because you’ve never done anything wrong, have you?” Estella opened her mouth, but couldn’t find an answer.
Kigami stood still, as if he hadn’t heard their argument. He stared at the ground, his breath ragged, his shoulders shaking. Kimoko knew the words were still ringing in his head.
He didn’t deserve to live.
The world would be better without him.
She didn’t care whether Estella had thought it through or not. The fact was, she had said what she had thought. And now Kigami was breaking down.
Kimoko pressed her lips together.
“I don’t want anything to do with you, Estella,” she said finally. Her voice was icy. “Not until you realize how wrong you are.”
She turned on her heel and walked over to Kigami.
“Let’s go.” Kigami didn’t answer. He still stood there, as if he hadn’t heard her words.
She touched his hand, and he finally looked at her. There was emptiness in his eyes.
“Let’s just… go,” she whispered.
Kigami nodded slowly and followed her.
Estella stayed behind. She didn’t say a word.
The wind blew again, colder this time. As if a summer morning was giving way to an approaching storm.
They walked in silence.
Every step seemed heavier, and the air between them was thick with unspoken words. Kimoko felt like she should say something, anything to snap Kigami out of his stupor. But when she looked at his face, at his slumped shoulders and empty gaze, all the words caught in her throat.
She couldn’t stand the way he looked at herself.
As if he really believed what Estella had said.
She walked closer to him, her arm almost brushing his, as if to let him know he wasn’t alone.
After a moment, she heard a quiet whisper.
“…What if she’s right?”
She stopped, as if someone had suddenly ripped her heart out of her chest.
Kigami stopped too, but didn’t look at her. He was looking somewhere in the distance, into the emptiness in front of him.
“What if I really shouldn’t exist? If the world… if you… would be better off without me?”
Kimoko felt something squeeze inside her.
“Don’t say that,” she said quietly but firmly.
“But it’s true.”
“It’s not true!” Her voice came out sharper than she intended.
Kigami finally looked at her, and in his eyes she saw something that terrified her.
It wasn’t anger.
It was despair.
Kimoko felt she had to do something, anything, before that shadow in his eyes swallowed him completely.
Without thinking, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. “Kigami, I won’t let you think that way. Do you understand?”
He didn’t answer.
“ You’re not a monster. You’re not someone who deserves to die. And you’re definitely not someone the world should get rid of.”
He looked at her silently, as if he was trying to believe her, but something inside him was stopping him from doing so.
Kimoko clenched her teeth.
“ If you can’t believe it yourself… then I will believe it for you.”
Something stirred in his gaze.
Gently, carefully, he squeezed her hand.
And then he moved on, not letting go of her hand.
And although he didn’t say another word, Kimoko felt that this one moment meant more than any conversation.
Estella walked a few steps behind them, silent. She felt the weight of her own words, their echoes echoing in her head like an unwanted melody.
Did she really want this?
She looked at Kimoko and Kigami, at their clasped hands, at the way the girl tried to steady him, at how his usually unyielding posture now seemed… broken.
She pressed her lips together.
She had been dealing with demons. She had seen their betrayals, their lies, the death they brought. So why couldn’t she feel the same certainty now, looking at Kigami?
A doubt was rising in her heart.
“I… I can’t…”
But she couldn’t drown it out. Estella watched them from a distance.
She couldn’t hear their conversation, but she could see the way Kimoko looked at Kigami. She saw how gently he held her hand, how his posture, though still tired, seemed a little lighter when she was with him.
She clenched her fingers in her dress.
She didn’t understand it.
She didn’t understand her.
Kimoko was naive. Too trusting.
But was that really a bad thing?
Her brother had been the same way once.
And how had it ended? for him? for her?
Estella looked away and bit her lip.
“You’re stupid, Kimoko,” she whispered to herself. “But maybe… maybe I am too.”
