Chapter 4
2475words
God, she longed to run her fingers over that chest. Down his stomach, past his navel. To the edge of the towel. That ache came back full-force. More wetness. The inappropriateness of it all must be causing these sensations. She gripped her hands against the sides of the bathroom sink. How was she going to face Jake, with these confusing things happening with her body?
She dug around her purse, pulled out a pad, and put it on. After washing her hands, she made her way to the dining room. There was a table with eight chairs. Her two brothers sat next to each other on one side of the table, Will across from them.
Maple sat down next to Carter.
“Everything alright?” he asked. “You were in there for awhile.”
“Everything’s fine.” Maple spotted a man dressed in the standard butler uniform standing by a doorway.
The butler walked over to her. “What would you like to drink?”
“Just water is fine.”
The butler walked through the doorway. It was probably the kitchen, because it didn’t take long for the man to return with a glass of water. He set in down in front of her, right as Jake walked in. Maple perked up.
His hair was damp, making his honey blond hair a few shades darker. He wore a gray shirt with gray pants, and was barefoot. He took a seat next to his father, directly across from Maple. He gave her a friendly nod that she returned.
Will took one look at his son and sighed. “You really shouldn’t wear that here.”
“Be glad I’m wearing anything.”
“Is that the infamous ESA uniform?” Walker asked curiously.
“Yeah.” Will sounded tired.
“Is it true that’s all anyone there is allowed to wear?” Carter asked.
“It’s so no one can judge other people based on appearance,” Jake jumped in, raising his chin. “You can’t tell if someone is rich or poor. It’s better that way.”
“Are those pronouns stitched onto it? Jesus.” Flinching, Walker turned to Maple. “Be grateful you live in the Free States.”
Personally, Maple would rather spend the rest of her life wearing bland clothes with pronouns on them, than be forced to marry whatever asshole her brothers picked out. She took a sip of water.
Jake mumbled something about more freedom in the Equal States for women, then looked at Will. “What are you cooking?”
“Sheba is making lasagna.”
“Our cook.”
“We have a cook now?” Jake frowned. “Why do we need a cook? We’ve already got a butler.”
The butler chose that moment to place a glass of water in front of Jake.
“We can discuss it later,” Will whispered.
“He’s sure having trouble adjusting to the norms here,” Walker said to Will.
“It’s only been a week. He’ll learn soon enough.” Will looked over at the doorway, where a woman walked through, carrying two plates of food.
The woman set them down in front of Walker and Carter. The butler came out with two more plates of food, setting one in front of Maple, and the other in front of Will. The woman returned with one last plate for Jake.
Unlike the rest of the table, Jake thanked her. That was sweet of him. It made Maple feel slightly guilty for not saying a thank you. The truth was, nobody ever thanked workers. The thought to do so never occurred to her.
Walker, Carter, and Will discussed boring business-related stuff too complicated for Maple to understand. She poked her fork in her food, pretending to be more interested in it than anything else. But really, she had her eyes on Jake. Jake had his eyes on the men, as though listening in. His expression was one of disinterest though.
Maple set her elbow on the table, resting her chin in her palm, gazing at Jake. She hadn’t paid close attention to his gorgeous face before. To be fair, this was the first time she had the opportunity to really look at him.
Those damp locks… It reminded her that he had taken a shower, which made her imagine him in the shower. She grew warm at the thought of him in there, all soapy and wet. Thank God she threw on a pad.
Jake looked at her. She jerked her head back to the untouched lasagna on her plate, her face bright red.
“It’s okay.” Jake’s voice was low. “I don’t care much for lasagna either.”
“I like it. I’m not hungry, is all.” Maple took a bite of it anyway. “How have you been?”
“Fine. I started working at the Pieway nearby. My dad gave me a job there. He said it would be good for me to work my way up, so I’ll be familiar with everything when I inherit the company.”
Maple wondered what it would be like to work. Unfortunately, she’d never know. Her future involved raising children and household chores. Unless she married someone rich who could hire servants to do all that for her. She hoped not. There were stories out there of women suffering from mental illnesses because they had nothing to do.
Judging by the large house, cook, and butler, Jake must be well off. Though he also seemed to frown upon employing servants. Perhaps if she were arranged to marry him, she’d be able to keep busy.
Her brothers and Will continued chattering away. Maple finished up her plate, and noticed Jake had done the same.
“Are you done with your plate?” Jake asked.
Maple nodded. Jake grabbed her plate, and put it on top of his. He stood up with the plates in hand, and stepped away from the table. The butler stopped in front of him.
“It’s fine,” Jake said tiredly. “I can wash my own dishes.”
The interaction caught everyone’s attention. Will looked as tired as Jake sounded. “Let him do it. That’s what we’re paying him for.”
Jake reluctantly handed over the plates, and sat back down. The butler took them away. Walker, Carter, and Will went back to their conversation.
“You as bored as I am?” Jake asked Maple.
“Wanna ditch these losers to hang out in my room?” Jake smiled at her.
Maple smiled back. “Okay.”
After work, Axel cleaned himself up in the bathroom, then drove to a nearby frozen yogurt shop. He waited at an outside table. After a few minutes, Sebastian approached him.
“Hey,” Sebastian said to the ground.
“Hi.” Axel rubbed the back of his neck. “Want to go inside?”
They went inside. There was one employee behind the counter who barely acknowledged them over his phone. Axel grabbed a cup and filled it with cookies and cream froyo. Sebastian picked french vanilla. They chose their toppings, and went to pay. Sebastian held his watch out towards the payment screen, but Axel stopped him.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s on me.”
“Are you sure?”
But Axel had already tapped his watch against the screen.
“Have a good day,” the dead-eyed cashier said.
Axel and Sebastian walked away. “Do you want to eat outside or in?” Sebastian asked.
“Outside is fine.” It would be harder for people to overhear them.
They chose a secluded area. An uncomfortable silence filled the air as they ate. Axel had wanted to personally give him his thanks. But now that Sebastian was in front of him, he wasn’t sure how to go about doing so. Surely bringing it up first thing would make things even more stilted than they were.
“So,” Sebastian set his spoon down, though stared at the table instead of at Axel. “What made you want me to call you?”
There was his opening. “It’s kind of a long story.”
Sebastian waited for him to continue while he busied himself with eating his froyo. “Well?”
“Can we circle back to that later?” Axel asked. “It’s an awkward first conversation.”
“No more awkward than everything else.” Sebastian glanced up and smiled.
“Yeah, you’re right. Good point.” Axel took another bite. “It’s just, the more I think about it, the stupider of an idea this was.”
“You think us hanging out is stupid?”
“No! I… wanted to thank you.”
Somehow, he managed to make things more awkward. So awkward, Sebastian actually stared at him. It was then Axel realized that Sebastian never really looked at him for more than five seconds at a time. And Sebastian continued staring for another ten seconds before finally responding.
“What the hell do you want to thank me for?”
“I’m sorry for bringing this back up. I know you don’t want to be reminded of it.”
“The scandal?”
Axel nodded, and looked around. They were completely alone. He lowered his voice. “I’m gay too.”
Sebastian’s eyes widened, looking as though he were about to spit out his food. He swallowed. “You’re…”
“Oh God.” Sebastian went back to staring at the table. One hand buried in his hair, the other tightly gripping his spoon.
Axel’s heart sunk. He expected someone like Sebastian to be understanding. Had he made a terrible mistake? “You’re not mad about it, are you?”
“What? No. I’m surprised is all. What’s that got to do with…” Sebastian dropped his spoon into his cup, and leaned in with narrowed eyes. “This isn’t a date, is it?”
Axel could feel his face warming. Although Sebastian wasn’t bad to look at, the thought of dating him never crossed his mind. “No. Like I said, I wanted to thank you.”
It was a long, personal story. One he didn’t think Sebastian would care all that much about hearing. “About seven years ago, people found out about it. My parents did too. They kicked me out.”
Sebastian glanced up, his eyes softening. “I’m sorry.”
“His name was Marley, and we had been best friends since childhood. We became secret boyfriends in high school. But then kids at school caught us making out behind the bleachers. I got bullied for it. It made me feel like a freak. Like something was wrong with me. I felt alone.”
Sebastian continued listening in silence, eyes back on his spoon.
“Then, news of… what happened with you. I heard about it. Your story was a lot like mine. And it made me feel less alone. Like I wasn’t the only person who’d been in that position.” Axel paused to let Sebastian take it in. “I wanted to thank you, for giving me a bit of light during such a dark time.”
Sebastian rubbed his forehead, eyes still avoiding Axel. “Well, I’m glad something good came out from my misery.”
“I know. It was a stupid thing to say.” Axel scraped the remains of his froyo, hoping he hadn’t ruined any chance of a potential friendship. He could use someone with a shared experience, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Sebastian felt the same way.
“Wasn’t your boyfriend there for you?” Sebastian asked.
“That’s where our stories get even more similar.” Axel took a breath to keep his voice even. “His parents found out that same day. They sent him straight to one of those conversion schools. I never found out the name of the place, so I couldn’t contact him. I was hoping he’d contact me. But he didn’t.”
“They never would have allowed it,” Sebastian said. “Where I was, we were only allowed to contact family members. And that was after being good for a month.”
“I thought so.” Axel had never been able to confirm it. A few months after Marley’s 18th birthday, Axel searched for him online. He was hoping to find a way to reconnect, but all he found was his obituary. It mentioned Marley had committed suicide. He hadn’t even been out of that school for a year.
Axel wondered if Sebastian went through similar mental struggles. He probably had. “Those places should be illegal. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“Don’t be. It worked.”
Axel’s spoon clattered against the cup. “You’re not gay anymore?”
“No. Didn’t you hear the news about that?”
“I thought you were faking it.” Axel leaned forward. “It really made you straight?”
“Normal,” Sebastian corrected him. “Straight is a slur, you know. Like cis. And allo.”
That camp must have been effective, but Axel still had his doubts. “I thought all it did was suppress the attraction and make the person feel dirty for having those kinds of thoughts.”
“Well they don’t,” Sebastian snapped. “I’m normal now. I like women. I’m going to marry a woman.”
“I thought you didn’t want to get married?”
Sebastian turned pink. “I don’t. But, I mean. Eventually I’m going to. And it’ll be to a woman.”
“If you say so.” Axel had a feeling the camp only succeeded in making Sebastian hate himself for liking men. It was probably the same thought process that caused his friend to kill himself. It was a thought process that took Axel years to overcome himself, and he hadn’t even experienced conversion therapy. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay.”
“I don’t care that you are, and your secret is safe with me.” Sebastian took one last bite of his froyo. “I just want you to know that I’m not.”
“That’s fine.” Axel studied Sebastian. He had his arms in front of his chest, completely blocking himself off. And throughout their whole meeting, Sebastian had barely looked at Axel. At first he thought it was some sort of quirk, but now he wondered if it went deeper than that. Instead of admiring Sebastian, Axel found himself pitying him. Having to hide being gay from others was bad enough. But trying to hide it from oneself?
The sun began to set. The air grew cooler. The two had finished their froyo, but Axel wanted to get to know Sebastian a little better. “Do you want to go for a walk or something?”
Sebastian glanced at his watch. “I should go home.”
“Oh.” Axel must have really screwed up.
Sebastian got out of his chair, and grabbed Axel’s empty cup. “Maybe next week”
Perhaps he hadn’t screwed up too badly. Axel followed him to the nearest trash can. “Really?”
“I’ll text you.” Sebastian smiled at him. “It was nice meeting you, awkward as this has been.”
“Next time I’ll try not to be so awkward.”
