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But when those memories came back, they hit like a tidal wave lodged in my chest, stuck like a pit in my throat that couldn't move.
I'd forgotten so much that the weight of it pressed the air out of my lungs.
I forgot being six and coming home late from playing downstairs, locked in a dark room, too scared to close my eyes — Evelyn held me and sang, over and over.
I forgot being nine and getting beaten by our mother; I hid in a corner while Evelyn wiped my tears and teased me: "Little Luna, you're not pretty when you cry."
I forced a smile and tasted salt. She laughed and said, "You're the prettiest when you smile."
I forgot at twelve when I ran away into the snow and passed out; Evelyn searched through the blizzard and found me frozen and unconscious.
When I woke she had been sitting at my bed with red eyes.
I hugged her and promised never to run away again.
I forgot at fifteen when my grades dropped and my mother slapped me at the school gate — I thought about dying and cut my wrists with a fruit knife.
Evelyn found me, called 911 and wrapped my wrist with gauze, shaking as she did.
She said, "Luna, if you're gone what would I do? Don't take me away."
I repented and promised never to try again.
At seventeen she fought our mother for me when she tried to change my university choice.
She put her hand on my head and told me, "Little Luna, you have to get into a better school."
That good sister — she didn't choose to leave me.
If I hadn't been busy that day.
If I hadn't put my phone on silent. If I had answered — she might have lived.
