Chapter 162
1257words
"there you are," Axel announced when he found me still on my hair, contemplating my life,
"You were looking for me?"
"yeah. I said I'd come to watch you guys train. I stepped outside, but found the training ground empty, and wondered where you all went."
"Well, we were there." I told him, "But now, we're done for the day. All of me feels very sore. I doubt I could do much more in my condition."
"had a feeling he would bleed you out," Axel said, leaning on the door jamb, watching me as he did.
"What?" I asked after I'd had enough of his examining gaze that made me feel exposed,
"Nothing much. Just having a proud moment," he said and a laugh escaped my lips.
"proud brother moment? What are you proud of exactly? Jean whooping my arse the way he did? Because heaven knows I landed on my arse countless number of times."
"The fact that you landed on your arse a countless number of times, tells me that you kept getting up each time you fell. That says a lot, Em. Whether or not you're ready to accept it." he said, making me feel as though the past couple of hours of toil were worth something.
"Thank you, Axel. " I said, and got up stretched, and heard some movements in the bathroom and turned to it,
"Who's in there?" Axel asked, and I raised a brow,
"Who do you think, Axel?" I asked, turning to him and tilting my head,
"Jean?" he asked, sounding as though the idea of Jean being in my bathroom was incredulous, and I fought the urge to laugh as I nodded,
"sweet baby Jesus!" he exclaimed, as he straightened, "I best be on my way since I might be invading something private. Come down soon, lunch is ready." Axel said and left like a man evading war. I laughed, but it warmed my heart that he was willing to give me privacy. This had to be the first time.
I closed the door just as Jean was stepping out of the bathroom, with my towel wrapped around his waist. There was something very intimate about the man using my towel with teddy bears on it. Both sensual and cute, and I smiled,
"it turns out I didn't pack a towel, so I hope you don't mind that I used yours."
I chewed my lower lip and held my breath, as my eyes rested on his midline, and slowly trailed up to his chest, and then his gaze that rested on me,
"you're doing it again, Em."
"doing what?" I asked, rubbing the back of my neck,
"looking at me with that look in your eyes?"
"What look?" I asked quietly, as he walked toward him, closing the distance between us and making my breath catch,
"the look that says, ' I want you, but I have to hold back " I looked up at him when he said those words, and he shrugged,
"I know that look all too well…because I am pretty sure I make that look every time I see you. I'm surprised I haven't gone mad with the emotions the sight of you elicits."
"Jean," I said, and heard my voice crack. He placed a hand on my neck and rubbed at whatever nerves I felt there.
"What about we do this? How about, this one time, we don't try to fight our desires? That this one time, we give in?"
I blew out a breath, with my heart hammering in my chest, "I Just… I can't explain what it is I feel when I'm with you. I rejected you and yet you stayed in my life. And though every confusion I've felt because of Paris, I've only felt what I feel for you grow stronger. I don't understand it any longer. I wish I did."
"Do you have to understand every emotion you feel? And if you understood every single detail, would that lessen it? Would that increase it? I think if it would lessen it, I would rather you remain in confusion." he said, resting his head on mine, making my skin tingle with need,
"Why does it sound like poetry?" I asked in a whisper.
"Perhaps it's because loving you feels like art," he whispered back, and that did it for me. Every resolve, and self-control I had left snapped, as I drew his mouth toward mine to kiss him.
Mine. Mine. Mine. My wolf cried as Jean drew me closer, and I purred with need.
Kissing Jean, right then, felt like a new animal had been unlocked, and I didn't think I would ever go back to being the same after that moment with him.
How his towel was still in place, was beyond me, but I had to fight off the urge to take it off him. I was scared of starting something I would not be able to finish. Even though, every part of me ached to have his hands all over me,
"There isn't anything between us, today," I told him when our lips parted and he pressed his lips to mine, smiled with it,
"What are you talking about?" he asked, and I sighed, before hugging him.
"the last time we had each other I was in your arms and wanted nothing to be held and taken by you, you said, you only wished to have me when it was a union that was not born out of desperation."
"I wish to have you every waking moment of my life, Ember."
"So why not now?" I asked. Despite the fact I was scared of starting what I could not finish, I still longed to know if he had his reason for hesitating. Because he was,
"your head is over my heart, so I know you feel how hard it's racing. It's racing for you, Em. It's racing because of you. This is what you do to me." he said and placed his hand on my cheeks, urging me to look at him, "so, you don’t have to believe I don't desire to hold you in my hands. But I can't shirk off my duties. I can't begin what I won’t end well. You deserve better than that. You deserve better than a thirty-minute showdown. Even if it's killing me right now to leave you. Even if I wish I could simply abandon the pack to stay with you, I know better."
"And so do I." I responded, and kissed him again, "It's why you're such a wonderful Alpha." I said and ran a thumb down his cheek.
"wonderful?" he asked and made a face, "Wonderful makes me sound soft. I prefer the word capable. Or even efficient."
"The words capable and efficient, don't do you justice. So what about, great?"
"great." Jean said, testing the words, as he walked toward the bag that held his clothes, "I like the word, Great. I'll take it."
He said and drew out a boxer, made me freeze, and he laughed at whatever expression he saw on my face,
"you want to be an observer?" he asked, and I quickly shook my head,
"Come down for lunch once you're done. " I said and took a step back.
"you're sure?" he asked and I nodded quickly before I fled, with the sound of his laugh behind me.
The man had to know what he was doing to me and was having a good time doing all of it.
