Chapter 76
1802words
It's nice to have the freedom to explore the gardens. Ever since being back, I've noticed there are fewer guards lurking around. Asher mentioned defectors. Perhaps that's why it's so barren now.
Wandering the rows of lush roses that hang, ever resilient, against the onslaught of winter brings me solace. But a cage is still a cage, even if you can see the sky.
What am I supposed to do?
Asher has made his goal as clear as ever. It's changed very little from what it started as. Yes, he wants Yannick dead. He also wants to dismantle his sordid business like he did years ago. Both are noble things, especially once I think about the poor women forced to work in the brothels. Are all of them marked with tattoos like Mila?
Strolling around the curve of a water fountain, I notice the stream has been shut off to make sure the pipes don't freeze. I wish it was still running at full force now. I'd have liked to sit on the edge of the smooth stone, listening to the bubbling water.
I've always loved the sound of running water. My mother used to chide me for letting the bath go for hours, accusing me of wasting water. She was concerned with the bill, no doubt.
Can't blame her. We were too broke to indulge my silly fancies.
Sighing, I collapse onto the rim with my head in my hands. Mom ... what's happening to you now?
I'm not sure if she's in the same house or not. Yannick could have moved her away with him and Roman. Just because I don't know the way doesn't mean he'd risk me figuring it out.
Are you missing me? Has Yannick lied to you about what happened to me? The thought of her assuming he did something awful to me sends my pulse haywire. The bastard could easily lie and say I'm dead. Would that make her easier to control? Without me by her side, what could still give her hope?
Please stay strong, mamochka.
I'm coming back for you.
And when I finally do see her again, will her whole body be coated in bruises as a reminder of the horrors she had to endure in Yannick's presence? That monster has a sick way of holding her accountable for her life choices. If it escalates, she could be left with more than bruises. The idea has my insides shifting. I twist, and I hope I don't vomit in the dry fountain.
'Camila."
Asher has come up from behind a nearby hedge. The sun is low in the sky, mushing the clouds into a slurry of pastels. The color blends along his jawline and the tailored shoulders of his black wool jacket. It shines across his hair as the wind teases it. He's as beautiful as the roses … No, more.
I jump to my feet. 'What do you want?" I ask sharply.
He doesn't come closer. He stays by the hedge. 'I want to apologize for what I did."
'You'll have to be more specific," I say grimly.
He flinches like I've slapped him, and I regret being so cold. 'The way I explained myself, what I want from you—it came out all wrong. It's not a lie that your presence will help my position in the Bratva, but putting this on you without more … courtesy … was wrong. I made it sound like you have no choice in the matter."
'Probably because I don't have one." My laugh is dry and brittle. It goes on too long, echoing around the garden.
Asher reaches for me, his pained frown and warm eyes promising comfort. I'm tempted to allow him to touch me. More than a small part of me longs for his warmth. But our conversation from before has reignited another fear that has never gone away.
He killed Pyotr. He murdered a child.
My foot slips back, pulling me away from him. Asher lowers his arm, wilting like a flower deprived of water. That's what I am to him. He's dying without me.
Again, I fight the urge to throw myself against his chest. It would feel so good to work my hands into his hair, to place my ear on his ribs and listen to him breathe until I calm down. But I can't. Not until I know the truth and understand just where I stand in everything. All the niceties in the world can't fix that he's asked me to be a banner to rally more men to his side in this war.
He'll do anything to win. That's what it comes down to. He's motivated by conquest.
Is that why he killed Pyotr?
I should just ask him ... No. It's not possible. He'd want to know how I learned about Pyotr, which would lead to more questions. And if he starts asking questions, then I may reveal Roman's existence.
I can't do that if he's already murdered one child. What's to say he won't kill another?
Especially when that child came from my mother.
I can't have that on my conscience.
'Camila," he says, agonized, 'you do have a choice."
'In what? I can't leave here." I gesture around wildly. 'I can't call the cops to chase down Yannick. I can't help search for my own mother. I can't even be who I want to be!" Mila calling me Camila Yannickevna swims up in my memory bitterly, and I force my teeth together to stop my lips from trembling. 'I'll be trapped in the Bratva until the day I die; it's just a matter of if that's sooner or later."
'No!" he insists, stepping toward me. 'That's not true!"
The purple sky has darkened behind him like a bruised fruit. It casts new shadows on his twisted scowl. 'As much as I wish I could keep you beside me forever … if I knew you were safe, and … if you were to ask …" He pauses like this is something he doesn't want to admit. 'I would let you leave my world. I love you, Camila. I would do anything for you. I've done it once, and you know I would do it again."
My eyes widen as my heart thuds violently. I can't sense a hint of a lie. After how hard it was for him to let me leave last time and how close I came to danger once we were split up, I was sure he'd cling harder than ever now that I'm back in his grasp.
He means it. He loves me enough that he would willingly let me go.
Looking away, I shake my head sadly. 'You might be willing to set me free, but the men around you … on both sides … won't be so understanding."
'Which is why Yannick must be destroyed." Asher approaches me, erasing the small gap between us. He reaches for my hands, not hesitating when he takes them. His skin is warm, comforting, and sets mine alive with a sense of thrill.
'Once he's gone, no one will threaten you. And if that's when you want to walk away from me?" His eyes dart to my belly, then back to my face. The determination battles with new pain. 'Then I promise not to stop you."
He's saying he'd let me leave with our baby. Knowing how I could never, ever be separated from my child, I'm stunned. For him to suffer a fate like that is an act of sacrifice bigger than any I can imagine.
Holding onto his hands, I rub my thumb along his defined forearms. I trace his knuckles, where the bruises have mostly healed. The prayer beads rattle on my wrist.
'I don't have a choice." He starts to argue, but I cut him off. 'Not until Yannick is gone." I allow a slight smile to pass on my lips. 'But once he is, give me some good reasons to stay around and I'll consider them for both of us."
He's shocked, but responds with a relieved smile of his own. 'Of course."
'First, promise me one thing," I state flatly.
'Anything."
'Free the women forced to work for him." They're more trapped than I am.
'I will." His smile keeps growing. 'In return, I need something from you."
'What's that?"
'I need you to get in touch with Jonah Sanders again."
My eyes squint as confusion sets in. 'Didn't you guys talk about everything you needed to last time?"
'I spent more time stopping myself from strangling him." He smiles darkly. 'The thing is, for us to end Yannick and dismantle the entire network, I need him to open a legal case without Yannick noticing. Which is where you come in." He pulls me closer, his voice deepening. 'Pass information to Jonah through Adriana. This way, Yannick won't know what hit him."
He yanks me against his body in an abrupt movement. He can't control himself anymore; he has to hold me. His shirt scrubs along my cheek. The scent of roses that saturates the air is warned off by his scent. Asher has been working his way back into my life like an unstoppable storm. Caught up in it—in him—I can either weather the rain with a scowl or twirl in it with glee.
Winding my arms around his middle until my hands meet on the other side, I hug him fiercely. He locks up, as if unable to believe this is happening. Or perhaps he's trying to control himself from ravishing me right here in his garden.
'I'll do it. But you need to understand something."
'Of course."
Together, we're unstoppable. 'If you break your promise—if my freedom and my mother's are reneged upon—I will never … ever … forgive you."
My grip begins to slacken—he catches my forearms, drawing me tighter than I could manage on my own. Asher's assistance makes us greater than the sum of our parts, even in actions like a simple hug.
'I will never break my promise to you, Camila." Shifting his jaw through my hair, he lifts my chin. His kiss comes with less hesitance than the pause before a thunderclap.
Asher tackles all my doubts with his teeth and tongue. The sky has left the last remnant of the sun behind. There are no stars yet, but soon there will be, and we'll still be here, kissing beneath them.
His mouth is warm … soft … welcome. Our kiss is all-encompassing, and nearly enough to quiet the clashing emotions inside my heart.
This is the right thing to do. Such an easy statement to make. But right for who?
The victims? My mother? My child?
Not least of all …
Am I doing what's right for myself?
