Chapter 119 Revelation
1047words
The gentlest amber eyes stared into my soul, reading every thought and analyzing every emotion—making it hard to breathe. I closed my eyes tightly and rested my head against Jaxon's shoulder. My father always used to say that the best way to deliver bad news was to rip it off like a band-aid, so I took a deep breath and let the words roll off my tongue. "Sometimes it feels like the walls are closing in on me. I know it sounds silly. You've been such a great support system, don't get me wrong, Jaxon," I said. He hummed against my ear as if he knew I was procrastinating, waiting for me to spit it out already. "Since the mating ceremony, it's like all anyone talks about, all anyone wants from me, is to produce an heir. I—I just don't know if I'm ready," I admitted, feeling water building behind my eyes. The truth was, I now felt like a disappointment as a Luna. This was my duty to the pack, and here I was, having cold feet about it all.
Jaxon's chest rose and fell, and I could feel his displeasure radiating off him, smothering me. His heartbeat quickened, adding to the discomfort of the conversation. The silence between us grew nearly deafening—I could hear myself screaming inside my head. He heaved a sigh and ran his hand over his sharp jaw as if deep in thought. "I know you're mad. I can feel your irritation rolling off you," I admitted, hoping he'd say something—anything.
He pressed his head against mine. "Adeline, no. I'm not mad. That's a big burden for you to carry on your own. I guess I'm just mad at myself for letting you do that," he said in an exasperated voice. Guilt pounded violently in my chest. I had just robbed him of the one thing he wanted most and made him feel bad about it. I couldn't help but feel like a terrible mate. Now he was blaming himself for some reason. This wasn't his fault. None of it was. He was an Alpha—of course, he wanted an heir.
"It's not like that. I didn't even know I felt this way. It all feels like one big giant snowball of emotions. I didn't mean to hide it from you; I didn't know this is how I felt. I mean, I want to be a mom. I've always wanted to be a mom. Everyone just sees me as a breeder to the heir of Midnight Moon. They have all of this timed like a perfect picture, it feels, and I don't want to feel pressured. I want it to happen when it happens," I explained, feeling my vision blur as tears spilled from my eyes.
He lifted his head and took my face between his hands. His touch felt safe and comforting as his eyes searched mine. I couldn't help but feel like he was looking for something. "Look, Adeline, if it were up to me, you'd already be carrying our pup. I'm sorry if you felt pressured. The pack has waited for this for a very long time. I'll wait as long as it takes for you to be ready. Nothing's going to change that," he admitted and wiped the tears from my eyes with the pad of his thumb. Though he didn't hide the pain in his own.
I choked out a sob and he continued, "I know the pressure of leading a pack can be heavy. Having so many people depending on you, trusting you with their safety and right decisions. You have to stop overloading yourself, though. You're doing an amazing job; the pack already respects you." I bit the inside of my cheek, searching for the right words, but they never came. "I want them to be proud. I want to be worthy... of you," I confessed.
I didn't miss the smile creeping onto his face. "I'm the one who's not worthy of you. You're amazing in every single way," he said, and my heart melted at the sincerity of his words.
"So you're not mad? You won't rush this?" I asked, cocking my head.
He laughed, and I realized I was staring at him, wide-eyed and stunned. "Whenever you're ready, sweetheart. I'll be here. Until then, we can practice. You know, practice does make perfect," he teased, and the air around me suddenly felt lighter. "You do realize we haven't exactly been safe either..." he said with a smirk.
I shook my head. "No, that's not what I meant. If it happens, it happens. Jaxon, I want nothing more than to carry your pups. I just don't want all the pressure that comes with it. I want to enjoy every second of it," I told him, climbing on top of him.
"Adeline, sitting naked on top of me isn't helping," he shot back, and I could already feel him harden again beneath me.
"I thought practice made perfect, Alpha?" I giggled, and before I could form another thought, he pinned me underneath him. "Okay, so when it happens, it happens. We'll leave fate up to the Moon Goddess," he confirmed as he placed small kisses on my neck, and I couldn't help but smile like a giddy schoolgirl.
"Wait," he said, and I could almost see the question hovering in his mind, "that dream..." I swallowed hard and struggled to sit up on the bed. "I was being chased. I can't really describe it. Then the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life—Jax, she was magical—told me to protect the Alpha. I haven't stopped thinking about it since. It's all just added to the mess of anxiety I already have."
"And you've never seen her before?" he asked, cocking his brow as he tried to make sense of my rambling. I pressed my lips together. "No... I would remember. She was iridescent, and I think she was floating. I know I sound crazy; don't look at me like that."
I heard him gulp and could feel his panic rolling off him in waves. "Adeline, get dressed. I'm calling Sophia," he commanded.
"Wait... why? I promise I'm not crazy," I said and forced a laugh, but the stern expression on his face didn't fade.
