Chapter 146: She is everything to me
1124words
He snorted. "See Mom? I told you he'd think he was better than us. He stands there with his nose up in the air in his big fancy house." Then Diego pinned me with his own glare. "Have you forgotten that you'd have none of this without me? Or are you taking all the credit again?"
I ground my teeth, knowing exactly what he meant. "I don't owe you shit, Diego."
"No? I'll bet sweet little miss Brooke Saddle would disagree with me. I think I might go see her today and catch up on lost time." His grin widened like an evil being before he looked over at me again. "Have you told lynn about her yet? How you stole her from me? The only co-star you ever had a relationship with. You were in love with her, no?"
My chest rose and fell rapidly as my grip on the edge of the counter tightened. "You keep your fucking mouth shut, Diego. You have no idea what you're even talking about. And I plan on telling lynn myself."
He chuckled. "Like you've told her about everything else, right? You're full of secrets because you're ashamed of them. I don't think you deserve a sweet girl like lynn. If anyone's poisoning anyone here, it's you, brother."
Every bad choice and memory I had came crashing back into my mind and I sank into myself. What if he was right? What if I were the one who was going to poison lynn? She was so innocent and pure and perfect. I was none of those things. The feelings of me not being good enough for lynn crashed back into me, and I knew what I had to do.
"Get the fuck out," I hissed at them once more. "Don't make me tell you again. I want you both out of my fucking house and out of my fucking life. I kicked you out of it for a reason and I don't want you back."
Diego held up his hands in surrender. "I'm not sure what's gotten into you, brother, but we'll be back. That's a promise I can make and keep, unlike you." Then he led Mom from the kitchen and disappeared, the sound of the front door shutting behind them.
I let out a breath as tears blurred my vision. Diego reminded me of all the things I hated about myself. I thought I had gotten past most of it, but that wasn't the case at all. I've never been good enough for anyone, and that now included lynn. She deserved so much more than I could give her. I was still, and would always be, just a fuck stick.
Grabbing my Audi car keys, I stormed out of the kitchen and into the garage. I needed to get the fuck out of here and reflect on the life I almost had, but now had to say goodbye to. What was that saying? If you loved something, set it free? Well, I was about to set lynn free and it would be the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.
I drove mindlessly to wherever my soul needed to go, ending me up in my favorite diner parking lot. Deb could be seen through the windows as she moved from one table to the next. It was starting to quiet down in there so I made my way in and slipped into my favorite booth in the back corner. I stared at the menu but couldn't read anything as my tears blurred everything.
"Hello, stranger," Deb's sweet voice greeted me.
I looked up at her, smiling softly as a tear slid down my cheek. Concern immediately etched on her features as she sank into the booth beside me. Her arms embraced me as I fell into her, wondering why I hadn't had a woman like Deb to be my mother instead of the one I had.
"Ssh, honey, tell Deb what's wrong," she whispered.
"Everything," I said on a breath. "I've never been good enough for lynn. I have to let her go."
Deb sat back and grabbed my chin, forcing me to look up at her. "Don't you dare say that, Drake. You are good enough. You always have been. What in the world would tell you otherwise?"
"Look at me, Deb. I'm a fucked up kid who turned into a porn star. Nothing about my life is normal or good. I don't deserve anything good, especially not lynn."
"Now you listen to me, Son, nobody's life is perfect. Pasts can be horrifyingly ugly but that's the beautiful thing about the future. What you decide to do with it is what counts. Do you want lynn?"
I let out a small sob as I nodded my head. "More than anything," I whispered.
"Then have her. Make the life you want right now, Drake. Don't let your past define who you're going to become. I've seen you with lynn. She brings the light out of you. Your eyes twinkle when you look at her. Don't lose that because of the skeletons in your past. You need her as much as she needs you."
My eyes flitted between hers as I studied this woman. She had become a dear friend to me over the years and I don't know where I'd be without her. She might not be my mother, but I would always look up to her as if she were.
"I don't know how to fix what I've done," I admitted.
"You march your butt back to her and bare your heart and soul, Drake. I can see that the love between you two is genuine. Don't lose it." She pressed her lips to my temple and gently kissed me. "Now I'll get you a slice of pie and a coffee on the house. Sit here and think about what you're going to tell that amazing woman."
Deb slid out of the booth and disappeared behind the counter. I cradled my head in my hands and stared at the funky design on the diner tables, wondering what I would actually tell lynn. She was everything to me, yet I kept screwing things up. I thought we had gone through the roughest patch of our relationship, but that clearly wasn't the case. I just hoped she'd forgive me long enough to hear me out. Deb was right, I couldn't live in the past any longer. What I did from here on out was what mattered, and I was going to show lynn and the world who Drake Hudson truly was.
