Chapter 96: Dark memories
1340words
My head pounded and I knew I would have a killer fucking migraine tomorrow morning, but I didn't care. There were so many foreign emotions running through me and not one of them made sense. I was angry that her family did nothing and allowed that piece of shit to be here. I was furious that I was cuffed and belittled by that prick with a badge. And I was fucking livid and jealous over how he looked at and spoke to Lynn.
I hated these emotions and I didn't know how to shut them off. How do people do relationships?! This is a fucking nightmare! I've literally just started my first one ever and I already missed just fucking.
No. No, I didn't.
I would rather have these unwanted emotions than the lonely ones that kept me up all night. Meeting lynn has been the best thing to ever happen to me, I just need to figure my shit out.
After climbing the stairs to the second story, I opened the first door on the left and was relieved to find a bedroom. I needed to take a breather and this was as good of a place as any. There was no way I could drive and I would never leave Lynn alone here.
But that's when I realized whose room I was in Lynn's. It looked as if it hadn't been touched in years. Old photos from high school were stuck along the edges of a body mirror and magazine posters of old stars were taped to the walls. I was getting a free glimpse of who Lynn was.
I walked up to the photos first and scanned over them. She looked much, much younger and less stressed. The frown in her brow wasn't evident and her dark hair was just above her shoulders. She was grinning in most of them and then I saw the ones with a younger Jason in them. They looked happy and I knew these were taken well before he turned into the monster that he was now.
Several of the photos were of the two kissing and it made my stomach churn. Movie ticket stubs accompanied a few photos and then I stopped on a prom photo. Jason was standing behind her and I couldn't help but notice how her face was different. Her normally big smile from the other photos was drooping and her eyes looked tired. Was this the beginning of when things began to change? Why didn't she see the red flags?
I moved away from the mirror and scanned across the items on her dresser and a box in particular. It was covered in rhinestones with a "keep out" sticker on the top. I knew it was private, but I couldn't help myself. I opened it.
There were more movie ticket stubs, a necklace, and an empty condom wrapper. I ground my teeth and tossed the wrapper out of my way as I moved the movie stubs and found a small journal. I knew from Dakota that a girl's diary was off limits, but drunk Drake didn't give a fuck.
I took the journal to the bed and sat down as I cracked it open. There was a lot of mumbo-jumbo about school events and some bitch named Becky that she rambled on about for a few pages. Then I read the page that talked about her losing her virginity to Jason in the back of his truck and I quickly turned the pages. I didn't want to read that shit and wondered what the hell I was even doing readingthis. It was only making me feel worse, but when my eyes landed on a page that caught my attention, I just couldn't stop.
{ April 10th, 2009- Jason got so angry with me today. I told him that I didn't want to move in with him and he lost it. He destroyed a vase I got from my grandmother on my 16th birthday. It's in a million pieces. My face hurts a whole bunch and every time I try to smile it hurts even more. I don't know what I did to make him so angry. We've talked about moving in together before but I never thought he was serious. Maybe if I just move in with him, he'll be happier.
That fucking pissed me off so bad that my hands shook. I accidentally dropped the journal and cursed as I picked it back up and read over the page that it was turned to.
November 26th, 2014- Thanksgiving is supposed to be a day with family and friends. Jason wouldn't let me see mine. He went out drinking with his friends and I stayed home. Again. When he returned and saw that I hadn't cooked him dinner, he lost it. I spent the next day in the dentist's office with a chipped tooth and a black eye. Told the dentist that I slipped on the stairs and smashed my face in. No questions were asked and I got stuck with a hefty bill that Jason wouldn't help me with.
I kept turning the pages even though my eyes were misting over for my girl. She went through hell with this bastard. I really shouldn't keep reading but it was too damn disturbing not to. Has she shown this to anyone? She could destroy this mother fucker with these entries!
May 29th, 2018- Why doesn't my own husband love me? What have I done to make him so hateful? He's stopped touching me months ago and when he does try, he's so drunk he can barely keep his eyes open. I bought new lingerie the other day and he looked disgusted when I put it on for him.
June 8th, 2018- Jason raped me today. My own husband. I begged him to stop but he wouldn't. I panicked and scratched his face. He turned feral and punched me over and over before he held my face into my pillow. I thought I was going to die because I couldn't breathe. Afterward, he left me naked on the bed and left the house. I threw up and cried myself to sleep on the bathroom floor. He came home and saw blood on our bed. That was my fault too. He rubbed my face in it like I was a dog.
"Jesus Christ," I cursed beneath my breath as I blinked away the tears that pooled in my eyes.
July 20th, 2018- I just want him to love me. What do I have to do to make my husband love me again?! What have I done to make him love me less? We used to have so much fun together. Now he looks at me like I'm nothing... I found him in our bed with our neighbor today. I cursed at him and almost lost it. He slapped me and pushed me out of our own bedroom. I cried alone in the kitchen until they were finished. I can't do this anymore. I don't even know who I am any more. The girl I used to be is gone and I'll never get her back.
Tear stains were dried on the pages and I nearlyfucking blew up. I tossed the journal onto the bed next to me and rested my head in my hands and cried. I cried for the girl who wrote that journal and I cried for the girl that was abused. My lynn. My sweet fucking lynn!! She deserved the fucking world and I didn't know if I could give her that. I've never even been in a normal fucking relationship and she wants me? I can't be what she deserves. Fuck! }
"Drake?"
I froze at the sound of Lynn's voice. I wiped away my tears and stood up before I took several deep breaths and finally faced her.
"Hey," I mumbled.
Her eyes moved to the bed and stared at the journal. She couldn't pull her gaze from it and I panicked.
