Chapter 70: My Feelings for him
1024words
"Ah yeah.....", Drake leaned back in his chair and stared over at me.
"Lynn, I'm so fucking sorry........",
"How did you get into porn?", I blurted not wanting to hear him apologize again. I understand how sorry he was but apologies wouldn't fix what has happened. We needed to dig deeper than that.
He blew out a deep breath. "You want to start there huh!",
"What else would we start? With the fact that you were growing feelings for me as much as I was growing them for you and then you turn around and you stick your dick into the other women?.....", I sipped on my wine trying to shut up.
"I deserve that", He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. "You're angry and I don't blame you. I'm pretty sure I would be livid if roles were reversed right now",
"Of course you would be livid. You would have worried if I was spreading diseases to you", I snapped.
He sighed, pulling his gaze from me for a split second before he glared into my eyes
"Lynn I get your anger, I do but as far as those diseases you're referring to.... That would never happen. We get checked before and after each shoot. The industry is very strict when it comes to that kind of thing",
I snorted. I can't believe we were talking about STDs right now and the fact that the industry is very strict. It was as if he was referring to a rule in the employee handbook. Talking about STDs in the workplace might be normal for him but this was as a taboo to me as it could get.
"How did you get into porn?", I asked again, trying so hard to keep my emotions at bay I needed to let him explain before I continued to attack him. I wasn't being fair to him.
"You sure you ready for that part of the story? Don't you want to hear that this is just like any other job? Don't you want to know that I feel nothing emotional towards those women? Don't you want to hear that since meeting you, I have had to take a pill to get hard?, That meeting you has best the best thing that has ever happened to me. Or maybe you would like to know that I quit my job yesterday because the thought of touching another woman sickens me",
I felt the blood drain from my face as I took in everything he had just said. He didn't apologize once, but the apology was there. It was clear that he regretted everything he's done and not done. How can I hate him for being honest with me? I can't.
"Drake I hear you loud and clear", i leaned up and rested my arms on the table as I took a deep breath. "Did you not think that I could take the truth, though. Like why didn't you say anything about falling for me? Did you honestly think that I would have ditched out on you?",
He scoffed. "And you sitting there telling me you wouldn't have? Come on Lynn that am a porn star and I didn't know that you already knew it",
I chewed on my bottom lip forcing back my reply. He wasn't wrong and that's what sucked.
"That time on the yacht. You were there shooting a film, weren't you?",
He watched me for a moment and then nodded his head.
Fuck I knew the answer before he confirmed it, but his nod made it real.
"You and Chris Kavanagh had just had sex before I got on the yacht", It wasn't a question and he knew that, not saying a word. "And that night? When I saw her coming out of your room. You were saying the truth when you said nothing happened, weren't you?",
He nodded his head. "My work is just that Lynn. I dont ever sleep or get into any kind of relationship with any or my co-stars. It's strictly business in front of the camera and then it's done. Most of them I don't work with them again",
"And you don't grow any emotions towards them, ever?", I raised up my eyebrows.
"No I always thought that I was incapable of having those emotions because it never happened......", He paused and looked up at me. "Not until you",
I inhaled an excited breath and held onto his gaze. The truth was right there in his eyes. I knew in my soul that he was 100% honest with me",
"Why did you quit?",
"It was time. I have been wanting out for some time but you were the push that I needed to make it actually happen, I didn't usually fall for women because of my line of work",
Luis came into my thoughts knowing he was the one who told me.
"Now that you here, explain", I sat back and sipped my wine.
Nodding he took a deep breath and began.
"I moved out on my own when I was 15 years old. My father was a drunkard and my mother loved her pills. Being the oldest kid left me with more responsibilities than any 15 year old should have to deal with. After my father beat the fuck out of me, I packed a bag and took off. I haven't been to Chicago or seen my parents since then",
My heart ached for the 15 year old boy who went through that. He didn't deserve that and looking at Drake, I could almost see the 15 year old looking back at me right now. He was scared and unsure of the future and I was making him feel this way.
Staying silent, I let him continue.
"Living on the street as a 15 year old boy was hard. No body would hire me, thinking I was some runway drug addict and that left me without food",
